DB’s Season Diary – Part 2
Right then, there’s been a whole lot of Arsenal going on since we last spoke, so I think the best thing is to do what Wayne Rooney does when he sees a Post Office queue on pension day and just get stuck straight into it……
Last week saw us hilariously use our “Get Out of Jail Free” card not once but twice, starting with a late, late penalty winner at home to Southampton, with little Santi showing big balls to put it straight down the middle after a long wait for it to be taken.
This was followed by what I think most of us would agree could be described as a rather fortuitous to say the least 1-1 draw away to PSG in the Champions League.
In fact, we didn’t just use our “Get Out of Jail Free” card at PSG, we actually shot a bloke in the bollocks on the way out of jail, nicked his car, kicked his front door in, made love to his wife, then run off with her and all of his worldly possessions. Obviously, then texting him a selfie of the two of us drinking cocktails on a Caribbean beach, while he recovered bollockless in hospital.
Still, everyone enjoys a last minute winner and most of us, while not necessarily enjoying scraping a draw away from home in the Champions League, can at least mildly appreciate getting away with murder like that.
Cavani’s hilariously poor performance was more than matched by David Ospina’s rather fine performance in goal, and let’s face it, we’ve been on the end of enough man of the match performances from goalkeepers in our time.
Hilarious
The best thing about this though, was the now customary pre-match meltdown regarding team selections that this time even managed to spread to the “pundits.”
We all do it on Twitter, it’s become almost like a pre-match ritual by now; whereas some people insist on doing exactly whatever it was they did when we won that big game that time before every game, or wearing their lucky pants, we decide to collectively piss in ours before a ball’s even been kicked.
Listening, however, to Rio Ferdinand desperately trying to get a word in as the post-match coverage was about to go off air (and most people had stopped listening), was a thing of beauty.
I can’t remember what it was he was saying, I myself was barely listening, but let’s just say he was backtracking quicker than he (allegedly) did when the piss-testers turned up at Man United.
Old Shatty Lineker made himself look a bit of a tit as well, and then made himself look an even bigger tit by trying to use a bit of “#bantz” to try and make himself look less of a tit, the tit.
I guess the moral of this story is that however frustrating it may be, try not to lose your shit too much about a team line-up before kick-off, so as to not ending up looking like a tit.
Like Gary.
Gary is a tit.
Don’t be like Gary.
Tit
On a serious note, I have shared some of the concerns around the starting line-up but I just don’t personally see the point in getting so wound up before a ball has been kicked.
I said the other week that I was sure Arsene was on a wind up some of the time, and seeing Francis Coquelin charging forward looking a bit like the Sunday League centre half who wants to get on the scoresheet when his team’s 27-0 up, doesn’t really help matters.
Onto Hull then, and things worked a little bit better in that respect, and I’m sure there isn’t an Arsenal supporter alive that wasn’t delighted / relieved / amazed / confused / shocked into unconsciousness to see Granit Xhaka score an absolute screamer from OUTSIDE THE BOX.
There has clearly been some kind of administrative error and he hasn’t yet received the memo that clearly instructs our midfielders not to do that.
Perhaps the work experience kid in HR is getting his email address wrong.
I think the person that is responsible for the Granite Jackets department at the club should keep this to themselves though, as now we actually have a midfielder that can shoot from outside the box without it being a bit shit then long may it continue.
He really pushed it then by adding another long range effort against Nottingham Forest, as we won 4-0 away from home, which was by all means a decent result, considering the potential banana skin it could’ve been. Not to mention what happened in Sheffield last season, when not only did we get stuffed, but ended up completely “Arsenaling it” by ending up with the sort of injuries only Arsenal could get.
The traditional pre-match meltdown was replaced by a more relaxed feeling that can only come before a cup tie in a competition you can claim you never really gave a shit about anyway should you be knocked out.
Also, many people’s favoured midfield pairing of Xhakaneny was unleashed from the start.
New Old New
Of course, this will all be academic when Arsene decides to wind us all up again by sticking them both on the bench again against Chelsea, while playing Coquelin in the “false Alex Song” role.
Speaking of Arsene, as you all know, he celebrates twenty years in charge this week.
I’m not going to go into this too much here as you will read plenty of articles from people that are a lot better at writing them than I am this week.
Some of you will spend a few days arguing about him on Twitter as well, no doubt (not that it needs an anniversary for that to happen.)
All I will say is that whatever your feelings on him now, he is the last of the long-serving managers, and for me personally, he has been responsible for some of the best moments I have ever witnessed, and possibly will ever witness in football. I’ll always be grateful to him for that.
As I’ve said before, I write this diary in order to cover the roller coaster ride we go through as Arsenal supporters throughout the season; the joy, the anger, the excitement, the frustration.
I think the best way to sum up Arsene’s reign is that it encapsulates pretty much all of those emotions and more, over the course of twenty years.
Get your replica wall clock here
So on to a big game at the weekend as we take on Chelsea at home.
We go into the game on the back of a decent run, but as always it’s the big games that will give us a real idea of where we’re at right now.
Let’s just hope this goes better than the last time we played Chelsea on a landmark day for the manager….
Up The Arsenal
Islington born and bred, Arsenal through and through.
Published author.
Is Yours Gold? The Arsenal Invincibles Twentieth Anniversary – available now,
Over Land and Sea (and Lockdown), Arsenal 20/21 – The Corona Diaires – released 2021.
Clickbait: Life as a Modern Football Fan – released 2019
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