Official (?) Transcript of Arsenal’s Transfer Meeting 1st Jan 2020
Just got back from my holiday in the States and found this in my inbox, so sorry for not passing it on sooner. My mate at the Green Dragon, overheard Eddie and Mickey having a quiet pint, discussing their transfer policy for the next window
MA: Now Eddie, you know we are struggling at the back, why Unai couldn’t see, god only knows. So, priorities; Number 1, a world class centre back.
EG: Well, there’s this guy at Leipzig, Upamecano, They reckon he’ll be about £50 mill, so out of Skinflint Stans budget. But, whatever happens, it can’t leak that we were even thinking about buying him, because even though they haven’t heard of him the nutters in the fan base will lose their collective sh!t when we don’t sign him.
MA: Fine, what about Daniele Rugani from Juve, they’ve got a shed load of centre backs, they can spare one.
EG: Stingy Stan will only sanction a loan, Juve will only sell, so that’s a no go.
MA: John Stones? , I know him well, he needs first team football and he’s really good. I coached him at City, remember.
EG: Forget it, he’s English, so he’ll cost the earth and when do our rivals sell US decent players.
MA: Ok, outside of the box signings. Thomas Lemar ?
EG: Ouch…..sorry, fell off my chair. Sell Auba, then we might be able to get the funds, but obviously, Stan will want his cut first.
MA: Ok, Ok, just get the Ukraine to let Mykola Matviyenko join and tell them we’ll release the funds they need, or, get Stan shorter pockets, to stump up the cash, sort out a loan for the Spanish guy taking it easy in Brazil and get him back on that plane.