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The Real Facts behind this week’s Arsenal Rumours and Gossip

The facts, the whole facts and nothing but the facts.

Over the past week, a few more alternative Facts have been forwarded to me and I thought they were important enough to share with you all;

1 – Lucas Perez isn’t being selected as punishment for sleeping with Sir Chips Keswick’s mother.

 

2 – Xhaka can’t tackle because he wasn’t taught it at school back in Kosovo. After years of civil war money was short and they had to cut the education budget and tackling was the first subject to be dropped.

3 – Cech could be dropped this weekend following psychological analysis he received after becoming disoriented on Saturday, when the Arsenal, ex Chelsea keeper passed to the Chelsea, ex Arsenal, Barca whore (soon to be) Real Madrid traitor.

4 – Gabriel keeps getting picked over Rob Holding because he has kidnapped him and is holding him hostage in a holding cell in Brazil.

5 – Alonso wasn’t charged with GBH at the weekend as Roman has finally finished taking control of London with his purchase of the Met Police and has installed ex head of the KGB as the Chief of Police.

6 – Arsene is to be offered a new contract, keys to the city and rights on the first born child of all current and future Arsenal fans.

The internet NEVER lies, fact ?

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