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Arsenal captain Mikel Arteta expresses World Cup inclusion hopes and dreams for Spain…or England

Having caught up with my Doctor Who obsession with a Saturday night marathon (keeps me awake for 2am kick offs!), I think I might have overdosed, as my mind seems to have taken a trip in time and dimensions in space…

World Cup Diary of Mikel aged 32 1/3

Thursday June 12th 2014 and Mikel reports for training at London Colney. As he enters the complex, he looks at the notice board to see what today will bring and who else will be in.

Mikel, Aaron and Nic: 10am to 11am – clearing out the changing rooms

“Bloody hell, clearing the changing rooms, again” grumbles Mikel. “I had to that in 2012 when they all buggered off to the Euros”

Rambo and NB23 finally arrive, and Mikey let’s rip…

“Nic, we all know why you are here. No one else can afford you wages and I’m sorry Aaron, but well you’re Welsh, not gonna be going anywhere in the summer, except Ibiza with the boys.

Aaron Ramsey of Wales after Serbia's fifth goal in their 6-1 win in September 2012

“But me, Mikel Arteta, I should have 50 caps, a World Cup and a Euro Championships Winners Medal by now, I’m bloody good me. It’s times like these when I know I should have listened to Mr Capello when he offered me an English passport.

Mikel Arteta England“I mean James Milner plays for England, I’d be a shoe in. I Just thought there might be a few more here this year”

“Abo is around here somewhere” interjects Aaron

“Yeah, taking it easy in the medical room, no doubt”  sniggers Nic, before Mikel starts again.

“I mean, yeah, obviously, like, the usual suspects, Jack, Özil, BFG, Santi, were all gonna be sunning themselves in Rio this summer. But who expected Joachim Low to go all Eriksson and take Serge Gnabry to Brazil, he’s played like, five Premier League games.

Serge Gnabry Germany

“And as for Gibbs and Jenkinson? Who would have thought that Ca$hley Cole and Glen Johnson would have slipped on the same champagne bottle in China Whites and both break their legs?”

“Lucky coincidence that, eh?” smirks Rambo as Arsene meanders down the corridor.

“Has he got to the ‘I’m the best player never to play for Spain’ bit yet?” Arsene whispers as he walks past. “I always find that amusing”.

“I think that’s next” replies Nic.

“Oh well, see you in about an hour then” adds Arsene before disappearing into his office.

Then without taking a breath, Mikel starts again: “Abo is injured, Flamini gets a call up. Vermaelen can’t get in the starting 11, first choice for Belgium. Even Fabianski has gone as the Polish number 3 keeper and me, I’m stuck here again.”

“Here we go” Aaron mumbles.

“The best player never to play for Spain. What am I, the 24th best player in Spain? I just don’t get it. I know it’s the golden generation of Spanish football and all that, but…”

At this point Aaron and Nic leave Mikey to his rant and sneak off  go to look for Abo.

“You’d think that with all his injuries, Abo would be the one whinging, not Mikel,” Nicky comments.

“Abo, gets paid £60k a week, for doing less that you Nic,” Aaron retorts.

Nic is about to respond, when he thinks better of it and smiles knowingly.

After not being able to locate Abo, due to the fact he was in Germany having his 14th knee knack operation, Nic and Rambo hurry off to the changing rooms for their allocated cleaning duties, where, finally having noticed his audience has left, Mikel is waiting.

“Well boys, as I said before, at least I know I won’t be lonely every other summer, you’ll always be here with me Aaron and that means celebrities around the world will know they are safe.”

Grim Reaper

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Steve Wellman


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2 Responses to Arsenal captain Mikel Arteta expresses World Cup inclusion hopes and dreams for Spain…or England

  1. Rupe January 21, 2014 at 3:47 pm #

    I enjoyed that very much, but it’s a shame to perpetuate the myth that he could have played for England.

    • Wellmington January 25, 2014 at 6:01 am #

      Never let the facts ruin a good punchline 😉

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