I’ve read and written so much stuff of
late, mainly transfer related, and noticed that so much probably didn’t even need to be said, it
barely even registers. There’s an awful lot typed that could’ve been done with
one maybe 2 words, or even an image. We’d all have more time, both the readers
and writers brain wouldn’t have to work so hard (what we need after a hard
day), therefore saving on time, energy and braincells, which can only be a good
So I think it’s time to simplify things.
Not that I’m saying we’re stupid, but I feel all our heads could use a rest
after these tortuous few months of transfer shite. Just simplifying things
could stop all our brains “putting the handbrake on” and fucking us up forever.
But I worry that, judging by some of the conversations I’ve read lately, tha
maybe this process has already begun, I’m afraid. You see this is the subject I
want to talk about, now that we’re nearing the end of it, and we rapidly
approach some actual football. So rather than a long, drawn out, re-run of the
past 2 month’s (none of us need that punishment), I’m going to break it down
much, much easier, almost to infant school level, hence the “Alphabeti
What brought this idea to me was
remembering John Donne the great 16th -17th century poet,
who wrote a poem about himself losing his wife (can’t remember if through
divorce or death). Now he could have piled into a 28 line sonnet (probably no
such thing/I’m blagging here), or something along those lines, but he didn’t,
he simply saved time and energy and went for this instead –
!! Class !! Job done. Story told. No faffing about. No bullshit. So I’ll try do
the same to cover this window, by using ‘words’, just ‘single words’, where
possible. Not many actual sentences. Just random words , that we’ve all seen
repeated to infinity over the past month or two.
lets just say these two guys (Kang and Kodos), came to earth, during one of the
worst financial crisis’ in decades, to see what made us tick, what got us
angry, what we’re all about.
study our fears and anxieties and anger, and to take notes, write them all
down, and return to their leaders with the info. Rather than kidnapping lots of people from differing cross
sections of life, thus bringing attention to themselves, they discovered
twitter and decided to use that instead for their research, ironically so they
could remain anonymous. These are the notes they took – Alphabeticalalli
Arsenal, Anonymity, Acrimonious, Arseholes,
Attention seekers, Amicable, Audacious (stunts),
Away kit, Arguing, Agents,
Bullshit, Bitching, Bitterness, Bale, Bollocks,
Blame, Bould, Believing (club), Believing (ITK’s), Both,
Board (brilliant-after deals to
get cash), Board
(bastards not spending it),
Beaten (to signature of player
we were never in for).
Brendan (Rogers) or Bernard
Benteke or Biglia.
Classless, Comical, Conundrums’,
Clauses, Cowards, CB’s, and Cack,
Cunt’s Cesar and Cesc.
Deflated, Done Deal,
all, Fault, Fuck off (you Spurs),
Faultless, Failure, Fenerbahce,
Finances, Fans, Future,
Fellaini and Fabregas.
Geoff, Gazidis, Gazillions,
Gonzalo, Gonzo, Gone,
Gazumped, Groan, Good Riddance,
Happy (not many),
Hummels, Howedes, Higuain.
Ivan, Idiot, Invest, Impatient,
Invincibles, insanity, Injuries,
Increasing, ITK’s, Insessent,
Jack, Journalists, Jo-Jo, Joy (not much),
Keepers, Koscielny, Kroenke and Krul.
Losers, Le Grove, Liverpool, Law ( the Dick
Legends, Lickarses, Loyalty, Lack,
Lewandowski and Lukaku.
Money, Muppets, Moaning, Majority,
Malcontents, Mad, Major, Malarkey,
Mental, Mismanagement, Mindboggling, Mistakes,
Malaysia, Madrid, Man U, Moyes,
Mindnumbing, Midfielders, Marches, Media,
Nonsense, Neglect, No (signings), No Sense,
Negatives, New Players, Negotiations, New Manager?,
Outbid, Opposition, Overseas, Outcasts,
Prick’s, Players, Price, Profit,
Poor, Plan (or lack), Poxy, Profit,
Promises, Piles (of cash), Promises (or lack), Petty,
Quality, Quantity, Questions, Quandary, Quit,
Respect, Re-Tweet, Ramsey, RE-invest,
Ripped-off, Reliable, Reports, and Reporters,
Raging, Ranting, Rumblings, Rumours,
Ridiculous, Racism, Returning (Cesc), Running Man,
Rooney and Reina.
Spend, Suarez, Scouting, Scouting,
Stadium, Striker, Smoking, Stan,
Season, Shitheads, Shitetalk, Swanson,
Sacking, Shocking, Strootman and Song.
Tits, Tuts, Team, Tempers,
Twitter, Trolls, Tabloids, Twats,
Thoughts, Talks, Torres and Tiote.
Unfathamable, Underspent, United, Unrest,
Uruguay, Usurped, Unplayable, Unreliable,
Uptight, Underplayed, Undervalued, Underpaid,
Unbelievable, Understands, Unexpected, Undisclosed.
Venga, Vargas, Vietnam and Value,
Very (Cheap), Very (young),
Villa both David
Wenger, Window, Wages, Wanker,
Wedge, Want, Wingers, Waste,
Williams and Wanyama.
Yids, Yes Men, Yanks, Yilmaz.
Well, there you go, pretty much covered. I
feel sorry for those fucking Aliens, trying to figure us out, or explain it to
their leaders when they head off home. And you think we’re confused about
what’s going on at Arsenal, well then, the next time it gets too much for you,
just think about them, the poor Aliens, scratching their heads, heading home
light years away without a fucking clue as to what the fuck just happened down
here on Earth. You see, there’s always someone worse off than yourself.
I go, I’d just like to comment on the recent outbursts, fighting, and bullshit
surrounding the so called Luis Suarez quotes. Why the fuck do people put so
much belief and energy into these cretinous shitehawks we call journalists.
Come on people, we’re better than that, we know what they’re like, man they
have previous FFS. Once bitten twice shy and all that.
Look, a reporter is more than likely free-lance, so no words printed or stories
sold, then no moolah, no diniro, no spons, no beer credits, no $$$$. So if
these guys actually wait for actual news to happen, then they get nothing, so
they make up bullshit. So their stories get printed as tabloids love the
sensationalist bullshit, they don’t care if it’s true or not, so long as it
causes havoc, and then their paper get mentions in tweets and facebook, etc.,
and then people may go and buy the said paper to check if it’s real, therefore
££’s to the paper. And similar with SkySports and co., if they sat around
waiting for actual sports news or transfer news to happen then they’d only be
reporting live from the under 19’s three wheeled shopping trolley World
Championships in Sarajevo, or just have a desk with a presenter like this –
So with this in mind, keep it real, keep it
sane, and believe fucking nothing til it’s on .com (and I don’t mean that poxy