One of my most
favourite memories at the Emirates is when I poured a bottle of water over a
gormless Blackburn Rovers fan during a boring 0-0 FA Cup game after he dropped
the ‘C’ bomb on me.
I was sat in the executive box above the away fans and the
frustration of such a shit match, and the gumbo who insulted me with a
toothless grin, got the better of me.
Another of my favourite memories, at the Emirates, that will
forever be burnt into my brain, was watching Andrey Arshavin curl a winner past
Victor Valdes into the Barcelona net for Arsenal to win 2-1 against all the
odds in 2011. When the ball flew past the Barcelona keeper I swear I went
crazy. Imagine Britney Spears, with an umbrella, a skinhead, a photographer and
pair of tatty hot-pants all in one singing her song ‘Crazy’. Well I went
crazier than that.
I loved that little Russian. I loved him so much for scoring
that goal and his silly little finger over the mouth celebration he was known
for. That goal, along with his four-goal spree at Anfield (where he stole the
show instead of them Scousers nicking our hubcaps), nearly has me crying like a
little girl because it makes me think of ‘what could have been’.
There is no doubt that Arshavin had more footballing talent
in his little finger than someone like Robbie Savage. But where he had so much
ability he lacked work-rate in equal spades. Something Savage could have taught
Arshavin about. During his time at Arsenal Arshavin provided us with some
sublime skill and magic. Merlin or Gandalf, on speed or steroids, wouldn’t have
been able to compete with some of the stuff the little Russian could conjure up
and that’s what makes me sick.
Of course, it would be impossible to produce such skill all
the time but he gave us a taste of what he could do and 10 seconds later
couldn’t be bothered to chase back a misplaced pass allowing his fat bum to get
Some footballers have frustrated me lots over the years.
Andrey Arshavin is one of them because he could have become one for the best
players in the Premier League for an era. He could have been spoken about for
years. Instead Arshavin will be remembered for a few pieces of magic here and
there and for becoming the fattest Russian Meerkat to ever have played in
That day he signed, and proclaimed “I am Gooner”,
I was so excited I nearly wet 14 pairs of knickers. I went through 13 pairs
watching the clip over and over again. Now I look back and feel nothing but
regret. Regret because I should have bought more knickers and then been able to
watch the clip more but more regret because the little shit never fulfilled his
true potential at Arsenal.
I wish him all the best wherever he goes because he such a
likable little fella. But I’ll always think what a shame.