Theo Walcott announces his retirement from international football!!


Following yet another dismal performance by England, Theo called a prezzer to announce his retirement from international football.

Since breaking into the England squad at the 2006 World Cup at the tender age of 12, Theo has played 46 matches for The Three Lions, with a low return of 8 goals.

Theo’s England career has been hit and miss at best.


The high being his hat trick vs Croatia in September 2008 (and the record as the youngest plater to score a hat trick for England) and the low being omitted from the 2010 World Cup squad, which Capello later admitted was a mistake.

Theo stated that he wanted to concentrate on his career with The Arsenal and he felt it was time for the youngsters, such as Lingard and Rashford to step up and take over the mantle for England.

With a smirk on his face, Theo the stood up, dropped the Mike and exited stage left, ignoring the pleas from the shell shocked press.


Believing there was more to this story , I chased down Theo and offered to buy him a shandy in the local, in return for the full story behind his shock decision.


Well, Wellmo, you see, the truth is, playing for England just isn’t up to the standard of playing for The Arsenal. 

I mean, at The Arsenal, I make an inside out run, knowing that Mezut or Santi will drop the ball on a sixpence, for me to take round the keeper and bury.


With England I’ve got Henderson and Dier, it’s hardly worth even bothering running. 

At The Arsenal, I can beat the full back and without looking up slide the ball into the box, knowing either Alexis or Iwobi will be on the end of it.


With England I’ve got Rooney and Lingard, it’s really not worth the effort of trying.

At The Arsenal, I’ve got Hector up and down the line with me, to play tiki-taka around the opposition.


With England I’ve got Kyle Walker, who I can’t even get a pass from.

At The Arsenal I’ve got Arsene Wenger.


With England I’ve had, Hodgson, Allardyce and now Southgate, enough is enough.

And to be perfectly honest, all the spuds are stinking the place out”


Until next time.

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7 Responses to Theo Walcott announces his retirement from international football!!

  1. Scott Burfitt October 13, 2016 at 7:28 pm #

    That tickled me. Good work.

  2. Victor Thompson October 13, 2016 at 7:42 pm #

    Brilliant Steve and although you made it up, it is so true. England just do not have a Couhtino, Cazorla, Ozil, Sylva or any other creative player other than Rooney

    I am glad to hear that Theo is going to concentrate on his Arsenal career, He is blessed with the players around him that he can feed off. He can have a stellar future here.

  3. Deji October 13, 2016 at 7:47 pm #

    really stinking spud players taking England back…feel sorry for #walcott

  4. Stanley Simons October 13, 2016 at 8:04 pm #

    Just read about Theo,very pleased about the news.quite honestly,the latest performances from England have been rubbish and what ever Theo has said is so true.the spuds are over running England, and they are welcome to it.just concentrate on the arsenal where you have been excellent this season,good luck Theo!!!!

    • Eris October 14, 2016 at 5:33 pm #

      Stanley, you do know this is the site engaging in some satire and Theo hasn’t really retired from England, right?

  5. Richt October 13, 2016 at 10:11 pm #


  6. Clive October 15, 2016 at 2:09 am #

    Bingo right to the point blank truth. We can see that those nerds always put the ball into the middle and they forgotten all team mates belong together as country men and not club rival opponents. The most obvious is the right back Walker who got the opportunity and time to pass the through ball to Walcott but deliberately or subconsciously hold up play of either pass back or to the middle. Chances toward goal missed. The England team mates made Walcott look like a fool running like headless chicken. No wonder he is disappointed and disillusioned about it. Pundits or fans could consider relook at the match again and judge for yourself.

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