Who is this Francis Coquelin they speak of?
A friend of my cousin’s dog sitter’s milkman used to drink with the ex-postboy in Miers Porgan’s office at The Spews of the World. He was clearing out the ex-owners desk & found a laptop still connected to the internet & bizarrely it was still recording the phone tap into Fergie’s office at Old Trafford.
Being the honest gentleman he is, he disconnected the tap, but not before downloading the last recording on it.
Below is the transcript of this recording (honestly);
Sunday 8th March 2015
LVG; ‘Robin, who is this Francis Coquelin the newspapers are speaking about? I have done some research & can find no mention of him.’
RVP; ‘boss, I do not talk about The Arsenal, they disrespected me.’
LVG; ‘After what you did to them, I’m not surprised!! Anyway back to my question.’
RVP; ‘I only had one fit season there, didn’t get to meet all of the younger players. Get on the manager hotline to SAF. He is still the overlord here; he might know of him.’
LVG; ‘Boss, we are playing Arsenal this week & I’ve got a couple of questions if you can spare the time?’
SAF; ‘Speak my child.’
LVG; ‘I need some background on Francis Coquelin, but there is very little information out there on him. Do you know of him oh masterful one?’
SAF; ‘I wouldn’t worry, the last time he played at Old Trafford, he was completely out of his depth & the last I heard, he was playing for Charlton. He’ll be no problems. Any further questions young Padawan?’
LVG; ‘Well just one more sir, the referees aren’t listening to me or Wayne. Too many decisions are going against us. Any thoughts?’
SAF; ‘that’s strange, they all listened to me. I will have a word. Best of luck.’
Tuesday 10th March 2015
LVG; ‘Sir Alex, we lost, Francis Coquelin controlled the midfield & got man of the match, the ref booked us for diving & sent off Di Maria. You said there would be no dramas.’
SAF; ‘yeah saw that, I hardly ever lost to Arsenal. Well, you’re supposed to be the genius, you figure it out.’
(SAF can be heard mumbling under his breath, ‘get me Guardiola’s number, quick’)
Phone suddenly goes dead….