Oh Help, Oh No, It’s The Mourin-ho

Those of you without a young child biting at your ankles every free moment, probably won’t be aware of ‘The Gruffalo’.

Well I had the privilege of taking said little person (Mya) to see The Gruffalo live in Sydney over the weekend & I have to say it was pretty good & led me to the inspiration for this weeks ramble.
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So without further ado….

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Oh Help, Oh No, it’s The Mourin-ho

Arsene took a walk through his North London hood,
A Sheik saw Arsene & thought ‘Arsene looks good’
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“Where are you going to, Arsene Wenger?

Come up with me & be my manager”
‘That’s terribly kind of you Sheik, but no…
Anyway I’m meeting the Mourinho?’
“The Mourinho? What’s The Mourinho?”
‘The Mourinho, why don’t you know?
He’s got terrible manners
& has no class at all
& apparently his penis is so very small’
“Where are you meeting him?”
‘Here to have cake
Why do you ask me that, mister Sheik’
“We after a new boss, again”, Sheik said
“Maybe the Mourinho?” & away he sped
‘Silly old Sheik, doesn’t he know,
Only rich oligarchs resign Mourinho’
Arsene carried on walking in his North London hood,
A Glazer saw Arsene & thought ‘Arsene looks good’

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“Where are you going to, Monsieur Arsene ?

Come up with me & you could win the title again”
‘That’s terribly kind of you Mr Glazer, but no…
Anyway I’m meeting the Mourinho?’
“The Mourinho? What’s The Mourinho?”
‘The Mourinho, why don’t you know?
He’s bitter & twisted
& believes he is god
When basically he just an arrogant sod’
“Where are you meeting him?”
‘Here in this bar
Why do you ask, Mr Glazer?’
“We must win trophies to pay our debt stream
Maybe the Mourinho could manage our team”
‘Silly old Glazer, doesn’t he know,
Only rich oligarchs resign Mourinho’

‘Well hello Jose, how have you been’

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“Talk to the hand, I’m the the best you have seen

Still talking about me to others I see
If I didn’t know better, you still wish you were me”
‘Still bitter & twisted & an arrogant sod
Still believe you are better, even better than god
Still have no manners & no class at all’
“Arsene you’re no good & I’m the best of them all”

‘No Good’ said Wenger, ‘oh you’re really deluded
I’m the best manager around, you included
Just follow me & you will see
That all the other owners really want me’

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“All right” said the Mourinho, bursting with laughter

“You go ahead & I’ll follow after”

They entered a pub & the Mourinho said,
“Is that the guy from Ethiad at the bar ahead?”
‘It’s Sheik’ said Arsene, ‘Why Sheik hello’
Sheik took one look at the Mourinho
“We’ve done our research, we want you Mr Wenger
Mourinho has no style, we don’t want him as manager”

You see’, said Arsene, ‘I told you so’
“Amazing”, said the Mourinho

They entered a wine bar & Mourinho said
“Is that a Yank at that table ahead”
‘It’s Glazer’, said Wenger, ‘why Glazer hello’
Glazer took one look at the Mourinho
“Arsene, we want you, not this chav in a suit
He’ll make us look stupid & spend more of our loot”

‘Well Mourinho’, said Arsene, ‘you see,
No one wants you, but they all want me
And now the Russian’s money is beginning to crumble
Another year with no trophies & he’ll begin to rumble’
“No one pays me my respect”, Mourinho said
& as quick as the wind off he fled

All was quiet in the North London Hood
Arsene saw The Arsenal & The Arsenal was good

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3 Responses to Oh Help, Oh No, It’s The Mourin-ho

  1. Abhimanyu July 1, 2014 at 5:37 pm #

    Great read Steve!! Thoroughly enjoyed it!!

  2. Goonergirl July 1, 2014 at 8:35 pm #

    Amazing!

  3. Wellmington July 1, 2014 at 10:30 pm #

    Cheers mate, much appreciated

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