Arsenal; Top of the Table, Who makes the Hate List and some German Bloke

Week Five – Love Arsenal, Hate
Everyone Else. We are Top of the League

Well this week was obviously dominated by the debut
of whatshisname, after a build-up of what seemed like a couple of months.

This is a diary however, and rather
than sit around scratching my backside all week waiting for Saturday I have a
build-up of my own, so let me take you through the week.

Please, Nobody Come Back
Injured…

The
week began extremely quietly due to the excruciatingly-timed International
break, and looking at my timeline on Twitter it struck me just how little so
many people care about International football these days, and I include myself
in that to a degree.
I know it wasn’t always like this, I remember watching England games with
plenty of enthusiasm in the past, and I do still try to now.

The conclusion I have come to from reading what others say, and also from
how I feel about it myself, is that either there are a great deal more c*nts
around these days, or it’s just that our tolerance levels of such c*ntery just
aren’t has high any more.  There is also
the fact that we shit ourselves with worry over anyone suffering an injury on
International duty.

I guess with so much more at stake in the modern game – money, the Champions
League and all the money it brings, more money – then competitiveness and
rivalries are at an all-time high, and subsequently it just seems so difficult
to get behind these players that you spend most of the time hating with such
passion doesn’t it?

For example, going back a few years I could quite easily cheer on Gary
Lineker, or Paul Gascoigne playing for England, while the thought of doing the
same for some of the players we have now is about as enjoyable a thought as
sniffing a tramps arsecrack.

Anyway, before you start to think I’m filling in the gaps before that
German bloke’s Arsenal debut with a debate about International football, then
think again. I am merely trying to point out how many people there are out
there to focus your hate on, which is the main theme of this week’s blog, I’m
just trying to set the scene. I will cover our record signing’s debut once it
has happened. It’s only Wednesday at the moment….

The Grand
Unveiling

After the International break our new number 11 was “presented”,
“revealed”, “unveiled” or whatever you want to call it. This basically means he
was pictured standing alongside Arsene holding his Arsenal shirt up, something
so simple yet so beautiful. A sight we have been yearning for all summer and
beyond.

The reaction from Arsenal fans was a joy to behold too. Ok, maybe we are
getting carried away, but why the hell not? Go out and make a banner for a
player who is yet to kick a ball for the club, enjoy yourself. I’ve seen worse
banners in the recent past…

Due to the aforementioned debut of you know who, life is pretty good
being an Arsenal supporter right now. We are riding the crest of a wave of
optimism, looking forward for the first time in years, and still basking in the
glory that is our most amazing piece of transfer business for years.

The problem with this is that there seem to be a few people not sure whether to
join in or not, some through fear of getting carried away and some through fear
of looking a bit silly after the way they carried on through the summer, and in
the absence of any Arsenal football this week, we are all shuffling
uncomfortably in our timelines trying to pass the time.

I get the feeling there needs to be an outlet for the feelings that built up
during the transfer window, the pent up aggression that could not be directed
at the club with the required vigour after our deadline day record signing was
announced.

This is a good thing, because there are literally dozens of absolute
fuckpots out there at whom we can, and should, direct our anger and ridicule.

For, as Shakespeare once said:

“The cannons have their bowels full of wrath,
And ready mounted are they to spit forth 
Their iron indignation ‘gainst your walls”*

So this
week, I bring to you…

The Hate List 2013/14

Yeah, I
made a list. Much has been said recently about blogs that seem to want to force
you to view their opinion as fact and what have you. Now, that is not my style,
but I hate the people on this list, and so do you.

The Hate List is here to help you focus on who to direct your anger towards
this season, and inspired by our continuing love of everything German each is
given their own unique “Fotze Factor” *

Alan
Pardew

Now, have a look at this bloke and tell me you don’t want to stamp on his
smarmy  face repeatedly. You can’t can
you? The hate for this pathetic individual was compounded when he celebrated
that late West Ham United goal in front of the Arsenal bench (and slipped –
haha, twat) that time.

This is the man who passed comment on the amount of foreigner players at
Arsenal, then proceeded to turn St James’ Park into Euro Disney, with Mickey
Mouse French players all over the shop.

Looks like the sort of bloke who turns up to his niece’s birthday party and
frightens her friends by inviting them to “say hello to Mr Snake”. On her 21st
birthday…

Fotze
factor
– Smarmy nonce

Patrice
Evra

Wanker.

Evra is one of those people who wait until you are miles away in the
distance before calling you a shouting something and running away. You know,
the one who always has something to say about everyone else. He’s had plenty to
say about us when things haven’t gone right for us, and he’s definitely one
whose nose you would just love to rub in it when we turn things around.

Fotze
factor –
Sneaky little pussy bitch

Mark
Hughes

Tony Pulis’ boots have been adequately filled by this muppet have they
not? Stoke is the perfect place for this serial under achiever, and with any
luck he’ll take them down this season, and we won’t have to see their
mouth-breathing, slobbering faces again.
Aw, did the nasty Frenchman not shake your hand?

Fuck off.

Fotze
factor –
Handshake fetish wankbag

Jose
Mourinho and Chelsea

A no-brainer if ever there was one. A soulless shell of a football club,
managed by a horrible, self-serving, self-centred, smarmy, sneering,
egotistical arsehole of a man. The perfect match. To say there is unfinished
business with him is some understatement, and I’m sure we’ll have dealings with
him this season.

Fotze
factor –
Turd sandwich with mouldy bread

Stewart
Robson

We haven’t heard much from him recently, which is nice because he sounds like
he is having a pessary inserted every time he opens his mouth, but I’m sure
he’ll be back, blabbering on like some sort of malfunctioning c*nt robot.

Fotze
factor – 
Bitter,
twisted weirdo freak.

Tony Gale

Without doubt the luckiest man on the planet. How he has a job on Sky is
beyond me. He clearly doesn’t like Arsenal, which is fine, because I’m pretty
sure I can speak for all of you (you know, like us bloggers do) in saying we
don’t like this c*nt a great deal either.

Fotze
factor –
Career stealing oxygen thief

Match of the Day

I’m sure,
like me, you like nothing more than watching carefully edited “highlights” of a
match, only to be told what you actually saw happen either didn’t actually
happen or happened completely differently to how you saw what happened happen, don’t
you?

Lineker,
Shearer, Hansen. I don’t think I need to add to that do I?

Fotze
factor –
That group of blokes in the pub who are talking so much shit you feel the
need to butt in and bottle one of them. Probably Lineker.

I haven’t even scratched the surface here to be honest, and this is just
a random selection of whoever came to mind, I didn’t even need to think it
through for long.
If this isn’t an indication of how best to vent your frustration and anger,
then I don’t know what is. There will be more, many more over the next eight
months or so, that’s for sure. Hell, I might even introduce a Fotze Of The Week
feature…

Until then, here is your own cut out and keep dartboard. I think looking
at this brings all of the above home even more.

We Are
Top of the League

As far as making an impression on your debut goes, the lad didn’t do too badly at all did he?

Setting up the first goal for Olivier Giroud and being involved in a number of chances created for Theo Walcott who should’ve had a hat trick by half time, but he had one of those “this banjo won’t be meeting the cows arse today” days.

Theo will find himself on the end of a few whatshisface passes this season, and his finishing won’t always be that off. In fact, there’s every chance his finishing will improve just from getting the ball where’s he’s best with it. 

As effortless as that German bloke made his first assist in Arsenal colours look, it wasn’t as easy as he made it look, and the same can be said for Giroud’s finish. 
Aaron Ramsey stole the show once again with another fine brace, he continues to go from strength to strength, and long may it continue.

I’m not going to give you an in depth match review, as it’s not really my thing, but I guess I should mention the poor refereeing decision that everyone is talking about. 
What a shocking dive that was for Sunderland’s penalty. Yeah, it’s been all over the papers that one eh. (See what I mean about MOTD as well eh?) Imagine if that had been the other way round?

Seriously though, Laurent Koscielny does need to stop diving in like that, but that doesn’t take away the fact it was a dive does it? 

Did the ref blow too soon for that disallowed goal?

He did, but I don’t really give a shit to be honest, what’s that about decisions evening out during the season?

Still, it doesn’t matter now, we won again, we are top of the league, and I know that counts for very little at this time of the season, but let’s enjoy the moment and see what happens next.

The loss of Santi Cazorla is a lot less painful creativity-wise than it could’ve been without the addition of thingybob, and I think we’ll cope ok there for now. The only worry of course is Giroud’s knee, and as I write this I have no idea what’s going on with that, so fingers and any other body part you can cross, crossed on that. Be careful not to tie yourselves up in knots though, let’s enjoy looking at the league table for now, if you are uncomfortable doing that, get those darts out…

Been a bit of a long one this week, so thanks for sticking with me again. Debuts like Saturday’s don’t come very often.

I’ll leave you with three more words though…

Mesut. Fucking. Özil. 

*Via Google Translate…

Darren Berry 


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