Arsenal please ditch Media Watch – Here is the Alternative Guide to Arsenal PR

P R… Huh… What is it
good for? Absolutely nothing, say it again. Well, actually maybe it is.

You’ve heard of Max Clifford PR guru, well now here’s, mmm
let me see, something catchy…..Got it! Clax Mifford, mmmm not quite – Yes –
“Hi my name is Cax Milfford , supePoopefor the elite.
Perfect, it’s got Cax (underpants/sounds quite posh) and Milf (enough said).

We
could have Purple Rectum,
Political Rhetoric,
Paisley Raincoats,
Painful Ringburn.

Playful Retribates, Puking Revellers and Pimply Rocks, for example, none of which are Arsenal related,
well a mixture could be related, I got a ‘Pain
in my Rocks’ , with some of the clubs behaviour
at the moment. Most notably is the bloody awful “Transfer Watch” or “Media Watch”
section on the Arsenal.com website and @Arsenal Twitter feed.

What a fucking joke. If it’s not bad enough that we’re
bombarded by Rupert Murdoch’s pen-pushing army and shiny big-titted presenters,
trying to force feed us endless piles of steamy, stinking bullshit stories,
that our own club is generously regurgitating the same crap and throwing it
back at us too.

Not long after asking for votes to see who we’d like to see
manage us next season. What the flying fuck is that all about? Now I know some
say, “Ah well, if you don’t want to read it or believe it, then ignore it.”
Yeah fucking right! Ignore it, it keeps coming up on my screen, and it isn’t easy
to avoid, and as it’s a link to the club, I don’t want to unfollow. This
behaviour is a basic error in my opinion of the rules of Public Relations. Our
own club is pouring petrol on the fire of an already lit up fanbase, instead of
just shutting the window (the only window to be mentioned in this piece
hopefully) and keeping in the energy of the fan’s we have got, and keeping us
in place.

For me this could easily be done, or at least attempted.
Using PR, they could make the whole matchday
experience more enjoyable, more exciting, therefore leading to a more satisfied
fanbase even when performances mightn’t be going our way. PR can be the
difference between being just a club and being a truly amazing club. So here’s
a few ideas, using PR – (I have no training or
knowledge or experience of PR, so if any company or club wants to use these
ideas, good luck to you, you’ll probably end up living out of a pencil case under
a canal bridge.)

Well ! First off, Precious Recollections – 2013/14 is quite an important year (in
anniversary terms). Firstly, on the 6th of September, it will be the
100th anniversary since the very first league match in Highbury (6th
Sept 1913 vs. Leicester Fosse). Regardless of all the players, managers and
trophies in the past, nothing has been as central or related to our club for
such a long period. Highbury is the largest chunk of our clubs history
available to us. Still people ask, “Who are you playing on Saturday?”, Me:
“Villa”, Them: “at Highbury?”… It happens quite a lot to me, people still
saying Highbury. It was that synonymous to the club. Now I think it should be
celebrated. I don’t know exactly how, A Highbury Day, or even a Highbury season.
Having men wearing kits from down through the years all around the outside of
the stadium. A great way for kids to see historical equipment, jerseys,
footballs, flat caps, etc. from times before football was invented in 1993. (Sky’s
opinion – the Pretentious Reprobates).

Past Royalty
– at the end of this coming season it will be 10 years since “The Invincibles”
completed that beautiful, historic achievement. Why not celebrate that too. Get
the players back, (well as many as who can be assembled on a match day.) Have
plaques and images of every game on the run dotted all around the perimeter of
the stadium on the match day (say final day of the season.) Have photo
opportunities with some of the players and the trophy (gold one), before the
game, at half time and after the final whistle. I think, again this would
generate huge interest for both young and old, especially the young, giving
them memories and a love for the club that will last forever, forming bonds
that will never be broken. It also creates a real feel good factor amongst the
fans, leading to a happy stadium, and allowing the players play without Performance Retardation
(handbrake on). Also by having these extra activities, before the game, at half
time, and after the final whistle it might mean that the stadium is actually
full at the start and end of each half, as people try to catch a glimpse of
their former heroes.

Players Royalty’s – less said about that the better.

More Precious Recollections – I just keep remembering the buzz in
Highbury in the final year, when we had the themed days, like the Dutch, Orange
and white day for Dennis aww (kneels down and quick prayer). Something similar
could be done this year, a different topic every home game. The benefits could
be huge. For fan moral and for the creation of future supporters too. We could
have days like – one for Pires Robert, who wouldn’t love to come and worship to the
great man again. The ’71 double winners day, the Anfield ’89 etc bring the
history to the new Stadium.

Pat Rice
– surely this man deserves a home game dedicated to him, everyone wearing
t-shirts of him being hugged by Arsene Wenger in the dugout for the West Bromwich
Albion game. He’s the only one that can claim a connection to Arsenal for
nearly as long as Highbury can.

Price Reduction – need I say more. With the TV rights money and new
sponsor deals, wouldn’t it be great if something could be given back to the
supporters, regardless of how small a reduction, the change of attitude it
might bring to many could be huge.

Profits Reduced – along a similar line, would a slight hit in
matchday income be all that damaging to the club. It’s peanuts in comparison to
the bigger picture, give some back.

Past Regrets
– we could have a day where we remember the nearly signed. The Ronaldo and Mata
situations of our past. We could all bring cardboard effigies of either say Cristiano
Ronaldo, Juan Mata, Yaya Toure, and Zlatan Ibrahimovic and we can burn them in
the centre circle, and hopefully never speak of them
again. (and sure bring along a few RVP ones to… just for the satisfaction of
throwing the fucker onto the flames)

Piers’ Retribution – we can have a day where Piers Morgan is
tied to the Tony Adams statue out the front of the stadium and we all take
turns horsewhipping the massive scrote.

Penis Reconstruction – will probably be needed by Piers after previous
one.

Public Recognition – like every pub has a customer
appreciation night just before or after Christmas, why then could the club not
do something similar. Granted these nights are normally on a night where they
expect a very small crowd, so they entice people in, just for the atmosphere.
Why not say on a League Cup game, where they play a weakened team, therefore
disregarding it as being too important, can’t they reward their loyal
supporters with a freebie or cheap tickets or free kids tickets, something like
that, just to say thank you.

Pricks Relocated – we can take an actual cannon and fire that
fuckwit Stewart Robson from the Emirates pitch straight into the directors
box  of Shite Hart Lane, with a nice
little note for them, “A gift from your neighbours” Love, The Arsenal, enjoy!

Public Refreshment’s – some free drink? Ah come on, it’d
seriously help the atmosphere.. No! No? Ah well worth a try. I am Irish after
all.

Personal Refreshments – Free drink…. Just for me…. No! No? Ah
well, God loves a tryer.

There are many more PR’ s we
could use, but this should’ve  given you
a basic grasp.

Others like Penal Rawness, Pubic Redness, and many other things I could wish on Stewart
Robson.

John Woods


, ,

2 Responses to Arsenal please ditch Media Watch – Here is the Alternative Guide to Arsenal PR

  1. Iniez July 2, 2013 at 5:20 pm #

    Hah! Good stuff. But can we afford a full body reconstruction for piersy? In all seriousness though that media watch should be dealt with. There really is no need for it at all considering there are 985464573 other places to read rumours. From what I’ve read a lot of people have emailed the club voicing their concerns about media watch but maybe a more formal and concerted effort, like a petition or something, would do the trick? I mean isn’t it almost entirely for the fans? If we don’t like it nor want it surely they’d listen to us? If all the blogs joined together we could maximize the amount of signatures we get

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Gonzalo Higuain should be an Arsenal player via teletext 659 Gunners Town - October 11, 2013

    […] So again, I ask, do you care more about supporting the side or getting would up/involved in fictitious rumours? The fantastic @woodyirish recently showed that actual success rate of rumours to reality (in the tabloids), of course it is low, but take a look for yourself HERE. […]

Leave a Reply