Europe’s Tallest Dwarf. Congratulations, Chelsea!

Dunno about you – but winning a competition for which you have to be mediocre to qualify in the first place – a competition you were relegated to after failing to make it through to the knockout stages of a more presitgious competition in which you are the defending champions – that’s not exactly something I’d put on my CV.

Some people saying “But it’s a trophy! Wish we’d won it…” 

What utter bollocks! You want us to be in the DumDum Thursday Night League of Also-Rans? Then I guess you’ll be rooting for Newcastle and Spuds on Sunday. Just because something is shiny and silver doesn’t make it a trophy. A trophy is something to aspire to. 

The Europa League Cup is worse than – dare I say it – a fourth place trophy.

It’s a Fifth Place Trophy.

(By the way: Newcastle’s the third dwarf from the left. That’s Tottenham in the pink. They didn’t place.)

PS: Thanks to Otis Frampton, who has unknowingly contributed his fantastic dwarf illustration to this blog. Please check out his work. He’s very talented.


10 Responses to Europe’s Tallest Dwarf. Congratulations, Chelsea!

  1. May 16, 2013 at 11:26 am #

    Forget Europa League..What has arsenal won in the recent past ?? Big Zero..So, shove that Zero in your arse !!

  2. May 16, 2013 at 11:35 am #

    This is what happens when a team has not won any trophy in such a long time. While you sit there yaking and hating, Chelsea are filling their trophy cabinets with silverware! Keep fooling yourselves, by all means, do!!

  3. May 16, 2013 at 12:03 pm #

    I’m not sure what ‘yaking’ is – but I’m almost certain I’m not doing that.

    Chelsea made Champion’s league history by being the first defending champions not to make it through to the knockout stages of the competition. Just like Wigan are the first FA Cup winners to be relegated the following season.

    We didn’t win the Europa league Cup because we were TOO GOOD to qualify for it.

    Here are some other things we didn’t win: Wimbledon Ladies Final. The Americas Cup. The USA National Hotdog-Eating Competition.

    Go ahead – by all means: fill your trophy cabinets with ‘silverware’, while Arsenal focuses on competing with the Creme de la Creme of European football: Barcelona, Bayern Munich, Real Madrid….

    • dquins May 16, 2013 at 5:26 pm #

      I’m not seeing how ARSEnal are competing with the Creme de la Creme of European football–you lasted two matches longer than Chelsea. Really one match getting shelled by Bayern and one trying to salvage your dignity. Barenlona, Real Madrid, Bayern Munich..and Arsenal? Ha! Yep, in your own mind, you’re European Football Royalty.
      You’re barely gripping onto fourth right now–counting your chickens a bit early with your playoff for third. Having lost both league matches to Chelsea this season, I’m not sure why you would welcome such a scenario.
      Arsenal fans have delusions that they "compete" with the top of Europe–you’ve won nothing for 8 years. Not one trophy. So, while I’m sure the grapes are probably pretty sour, go ahead and claim that you’re too good to play for trophies–that must be why you win so many of them. Yawn.

      • May 16, 2013 at 7:08 pm #

        Not seeing how Arsenal are competing, huh? Well – in case you didn’t know it, Arsenal is ranked 6th in the UEFA standings. Barcelona, Bayern, Madrid, Man Utd and Chelsea above us. So – yes, FACTS would support my argument that we compete with the big boys I mentioned – despite the last eight trophyless years.

        And in those last 8 "failed" seasons that everyone loves bringing up, we’ve played in 1 CL Final, a Semi-Final and 3 Quarter-Finals. We’ve made the Round of 16 every season this century, and qualified for CL for 15 years in a row.

        All this, while building a new stadium and not going into debt. and we don’t have a sugar-daddy buying us trophies. If you’d care to look at the budgets of the 5 clubs above us, I think you’ll see a common denominator: $$$

        And if you can’t admit that BY DEFINITION we were too good to play in the Europa league, then there really is no point discussing this with you much further.

        My grapes are just fine, mate. Sorry you’re so fixated on the last eight years. I’m an Arsenal supporter and I’m not.

        No mention of who you’re supporting?

        Thanks for the comment, anyway. (Sincerely…)

        • dquins May 17, 2013 at 7:10 pm #

          I’m Chelsea–sorry I forgot to mention.
          So I’m clear: your evidence for why Arsenal are a superior team to Chelsea involves UEFA rankings where Chelsea are ranked higher than Arsenal? That just doesn’t make sense.
          Everyone brings up the last 8 years because Arsenal fans love to pretend they don’t exist. They go on for ages about their "history". Like five of your titles are from the 30s man. You’ve won five titles since 1970.
          I understand the definition you refer to, was never confused about how qualification went. It just seems arrogant for Arsenal fans to think they’re above a competition like Europa League, given their drought.

          • May 18, 2013 at 6:07 am #

            I think you’re missing the point, slightly. The point of this entire post is the fact that the Europa Cup is like a "Tallest Dwarf" Competition. Not often you see those, since the "Shortest Dwarf" is generally the one getting the attention…

            Secondly – and try to remain focused on the topic at hand – Arsenal were too good to qualify for this particular competition. And hence they are depicted not as a dwarf, but as a wizard. This IS an Arsenal blog, after all.

            Now it didn’t matter to me whether Chelsea won, or Spurs, or Benfica. In fact – EVEN if Arsenal won, I would probably have posted the same image. The point remains the same: the Europa Cup is a 5th place trophy.

            Regarding the media coverage of the ‘victory’, the celebration, and touting of the fact that Chelsea made history by being the first blah blah blah… (Yes. Like Evel Knievel made history by failing to jump across the Grand Canyon. Not GOOD History, in my eyes…) Sure – you won a trophy. But it’s kinda like a Second Tier Trophy, no? Not like the First Tier trophy you won last year….

            Chelsea are ranked higher than Arsenal in the UEFA ranking. Right. So what the hell are they doing playing in the Europa League alongside Totenham and Newcastle and Lazio? Surely you get it? It is an inferior competition and not one to get all whoop-de-do about. You failed in the Main Event, were given an unfair second-chance, gate-crashed the Side-Show and won the fluffy toy. THAT"S my point.

            You say it’s arrogant for Arsenal fans to think they’re above the Europa League. Yes. You’re probably right. It is arrogant – and the sense of entitlement that some Gooners have is irritating, even to me. But – and here’s the thing: it’s important to try and focus on the facts – we have qualified for Champions League EVERY year under Wenger. And to continue to do so is vital to us continuing to compete. Despite the ‘drought’ you love to mention.

            (A ‘drought’, by the way, that was caused by the likes of your owner, and the oil barons at City, changing the face of football by spending inordinate amounts of personal capital on players and club. In effect, BUYING trophies. Try mentioning that every time you bring up the drought. It adds a little perspective.)

            Regarding "History" – Arsenal have spent the longest time in the top flight. We have the highest aggregate position of any club in the top flight. And yes, it’s been ages since we won a trophy. Doesn’t mean we haven’t come close. And it doesn’t mean we won’t again. That’s all irrelevant though.

            The focus of this post was the Europa League Cup – "Europe’s Tallest Dwarf Competition", which, incidentally, Chelsea won.

            Thanks for the debate. But I’m afraid the Arsenal v Chelsea debate is beyond the scope of this Comments section! Appreciate your contribution. Cheers.

  4. Iveren Agera May 16, 2013 at 1:27 pm #

    Have never watched a UEFA cup final, didn’t see any reason to do so last night. Why? Becasue I never saw the competition as important. Well done to Chelsea but as you rightly said in your article, not a history they should be exactly proud of. Personally think, a club that finishes third in a group getting to play in the competition for "lesser teams" is not fair, both for the "lesser teams" and teams that finished ahead in the group but don’t make it in the next round. If you are out, you should be completely out. Shouldn’t get to have two chances at winning a trophy when others have just one.

  5. Batmandela May 16, 2013 at 2:37 pm #

    Beautiful illustration. You can see more of Otis Frampton’s work at


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