heard some proper funny things in my life. Iggle wiggle diggle mcfiggle is one
of them. Although I was drunk and 14 at the time so a punch on the nose by Mike
Tyson would probably have been funny too.
funny thing I have seen sprawled all over the gaff in more recent times
however is the Wayne Rooney to Arsenal rumour doing the rounds.
don’t get me wrong, Rooney is a fantastic footballer but surely this move is
about as likely as me having a jousting tournament with Chris Brown for the
hand of Rihanna in marriage?
course we are loaded these days, apparently the Arsenal board wipe their
bottoms with £50 notes, but this move would be outrageous.
would be outrageous because I can still remember the 9.9 dive that
Rooney successfully performed over Sol Campbell’s leg all them years ago
and it would be more outrageous because I sometimes take my nan to Arsenal
games and I don’t want him to be my new grandad.
you imagine it? At Christmas time? Sitting round an open fire opening my
presents, with my family, and there is grandad Wayne, all over my nan. Makes me
though, it seems Rooney has lost his mojo at Manchester United. He needs a new
challenge to freshen him up in my view.
him being a granny-banger, there is a decent footballer there who seems to have
lost his way. Now I would lend him my sat-nav but Wayne being from Liverpool
I’d never see the thing again.
jokes aside, to the left, to the right, would I like to see Wayne Rooney in an
Arsenal shirt? I don’t know.
know that means I’m sitting on the fence but I genuinely don’t know.
one hand I see a petulant little shit who is about as classy as Paris Hilton
with a video-camera but on the other I see a very good footballer who could
ignite his career again at Arsenal and help awaken our sleeping trophy
I wrote earlier, this move is very unlikely. Very unlikely. Very, very unlikely
but I suppose football is a funny old game and there are always surprises.
you are torn or out of faith, like me or Natalie Imbruglia, over the
possibility of whether you would want Rooney at Arsenal, trying to bang your
nan, then picture the scene: Him scoring at the Emirates, in an Arsenal shirt,
and Gooners chanting “Rooney, Rooney, Roooooooney”.
How does that make you feel?